Last week, Lance and I drove by this tree on the way to school for pickup. It was just beautiful and we both marveled at it. He asked what kind of tree it was and I honestly didn't know.
Instantly, I was transported back to a time where just two years ago, I still had a very special woman in my life, my maternal grandmother. She passed away in May of that year so it seems about right that this month brings more thoughts of her.
I try not focusing on her loss but instead remembering her joy.
Sometimes grief allows for that but sometimes not.
She loved spring, trees and flowers. Very often, we would talk about her flowers or a new plant or a tree near her. It was a point of connection between us.
So two years ago, I would have snapped this picture of the mystery tree and I would have texted it to her and asked what it was. She likely would have emailed me back because texting back on a flip phone was just not that easy :) or she would have called me and we would have talked about that tree for a bit before giving her updates on whatever else was going on in life. I miss that terribly.
I can almost hear the joy in her voice in calling to talk about that tree and all the other things we would have chatted about.
A beautiful tree took me down a path of remembering the most beautiful soul. Grief is part of all our journeys and while I shouldn't be surprised by it, sometimes I am.
Sometimes it just shows up, in something seemingly normal and part of everyday life and transports us somewhere else entirely.
I celebrate her life every spring when the plants come back to life and think of the joy that it brought her. But last week, I hadn't been thinking about the anniversary of her loss until that moment. Since then, I've spent many moments thinking about her and missing her.
The grief has settled with me for a few days and I feel it. When I recognize it, I sit with it a bit and remember. I have held space for what sometimes comes with remembering.
But this grief is just here to visit. I say a prayer of thanks for knowing a woman with such love and simple joy.
For those of you who sit with grief that has come to visit or grief that is staying awhile, I see you.
The work of sitting with your grief is some of the hardest growing work that you can do. We have to hold space for it in order to work through it.
While we can be quick to dismiss, the grief shows up because our loss matters to us.
“We grieve because we have loved.” - Johann Hari
I hope you allow yourself to grieve what has mattered to you, friend.
For me, there will be more flowers and trees that make me remember my grandma probably for the rest of my life and I couldn't be more grateful for that.
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